Little bit of This, and alot of That

I realize my blog is entitled "A DAILY Drone" and I have yet to capture that in daily posts... I just find that my inner voice doesn't seem to pop out until I have some kind of an epiphany or something really interesting to talk about. So I apologize if you have visited daily looking for some new posts.

On the flip-side, In order to keep you coming back for more i think it is imperative to write well and contain subjects that are relateable and interesting - so with that in mind, bear with me for a dull post LOL!

I have found it difficult to post this week as I am trying to just barely tread water here in my personal life, staying on top of being a fantastic mother and trying to keep my wits and strength about me as I plan and follow through on my separation and eventual divorce from my current partner. It has been a long time coming and although in my head I know this is a logical decision, my heart aches for my children and what is to come for them - and hell, well for me too.
As well as I have had a couple of friends disappear in different ways from my life and that has proved to be hard on me. Some people are meant to be life long friends and some aren't it's just the way life plays doesn't it. So more "housecleaning" had to be done and it was hard. The other is probably reading this now and I feel a little angry by that as I feel it is a little voyeuristic when I am pouring out my life here and they are not willing to open up to me in any way, even though I put my olive branch out there - but anywhoo... I digress,...and this post is not about that.

Fear of the unknown is what scares me the most, fear of being a single mother (even though I know I am capable and anticipate enormous amounts of work, it's still not the ideal or that pretty) fear of not being able to cope (financially, emotionally, physically), fear of not being able to be the fun and happy and loving mommie I so genuinely love to be (but with so much stress lately I am already finding it difficult to "put on a happy face" and let's be honest here, the kids are noticing that something is not right in the household), fear of spending the rest of my days alone and never meeting that person I was supposed to be with in the first place (I don't mind being alone, It would just be alot nicer to share the joy with someone, bring balance into the home and have someone witness to your life) Fear of getting into the out of home workforce! (this is a BIG one for me, I absolutely want to be the kind of mother who is available and "There" for her kids - home for hot lunches - pick up and drop off for school - able to volunteer at the school - meet other mom's and kids at the local parks during the day or summer -) My son went into home-daycare when he was 18 mths and even though most of my friends put their kids in at 12 mths I just couldn't do it then, even 18 mths was hard. I went back to work for 8 mths and then resigned and started my own business 4 mths later just so I never had to feel that excruciating pain and sad life ever again. Dropping him off every morning I cried on the way to the subway, at my desk, and rushed home every night just to see him for even an hour before he drifted off to sleep! It was heart wrenching, mind numbing, and knowing in my heart I was meant to be home with them I vowed to never return to "the office" if I didn't absolutely HAVE TO.

So, here i am in the HAVE TO and I hate it! Well I do have another par-time business I can re-vamp, I think I am just in a slump right now. I am usually very motivated and determined to "do-what-it-takes" to get things done or rectified... I believe I am supremely overwhelmed and WHY the Hell Not! These are major changes and I need to be kind to myself and take it slow and easy here... take care of myself, because as we all very well know - no-one takes care of mommy - it is a 24/7 job weather you are at home or not - most decisions and management of the family, finances, social life, doctors appointments, school work & functions and home is taken on by the mother no matter how much the father wants to or does put in his side of the effort. Not that I would give it up in a second, no mother would, I guess I'm just tired is all. I've lived with a partner for 5 years who has no self-confidence, doesn't understand the value in truth, responsibility and the sacred role of a father. He is generally kind and generally "wants" to do the right thing... but that isn't always the best way to go about things. A woman needs someone she can rely on, someone to bear some of life's burden's and lift her spirits without asking - a take charge man who can see when the relationship needs doctoring and books responsible babysitting without being coached so a date can be had. Someone who has goals, and dreams and has the drive and gusto to try and reach them and be successful at most of them. A woman needs a partner to look up to (and him to her), to motivate and inspire eachother to be better than they are or the best at who they've become - not run eachother into the ground until there is nothing left to salvage. And above all else of course passion, free to BE, to seek justice when needed, to get into her heart and really know her - what makes her tick, what she likes and dislikes, how to support her, surprise her, entice her, and live in harmony.

This may set off some bells for men thinking that they have to "do all these things" to get and keep a woman happy and fulfilled for a lifetime, but let me tell you men - If you are willing, able and determined, and you follow these things with your woman she will in turn treat you like the KING you are in leaps and bounds! Women have the ability to turn your lives into the most positive experience a man can handle, you just can't take her for granted - that is the beginning to many arguments, and eventual end for most as men get sloppy, pull away start treating her like a pal instead of the Queen or Princess title she most rightly earned and deserves.

You will find some women come off strong, and seemingly over confident and possibly stoic - but I am here to break the myth gentlemen. All women want to be loved and cherished (in the way that works for her) and treated like they deserve to be loved and cherished, a treasure. All women want to feel safe and secure in a relationship (this could mean a man who she feels can protect her from outside harm or someone who will never take her heart for granted, be a good provider, be a good father to her children the list is endless), They want to feel like after all the work they've done to become the women they are today that they have made the right decision in choosing you to share their life with. If any of these needs aren't met or fail to continue in the middle of the relationship - the courtship is doomed to fail or provide a rocky road along the way.

Of course these are all just my opinions, you can take or leave what I have said here and go on with your daily routine. Fortunately this is the blessing of a personal blog, my space, my soapbox! Harr harrrr.

Well I've gotten it out of my system for today - hope you all have a wonderful weekend and I'll catch you Monday or so on... ;) We'll see if the lightning strikes me this weekend. Tootles for now.